Monday, December 30, 2013

Who ever said life was fair?

"As I’ve matured, I’ve come to realize that God is indeed fair, but fair does not mean equal." - Dave Ramsey.
How many times have you heard someone whine about life being so unfair? I've heard it billions of times. I think this quote replies to the whining perfectly! Fair is definitely not the same thing as equal. Have you ever heard 2+2 Fair 4? Nope! They are totally different things and so it's quite impossible to compare the two. 
It's my goal in life to quit the complaining about how my life is so unfair. Instead, I want to exude graitude and be thankful for what I do have. I want to work hard and live a happy life. Dwelling on lifes hardships wont get me anywhere. I want to be moving forward, not taking steps backwards. I can be positive, and I will keep striving to be the best me I can be. 

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Out With The Old... And In With The New (Year)

2013 has treated me well, but I am so excited to start this new year. New years bring a do-over that is so refreshing. It is where you restart and do your best to make yourself better. Everyone always complains that resolutions are dumb, but I know that deep down inside everyone has their own listed in their head. Here are my New Years Resolutions:

  • Make life worthwhile
  • Collect more quotes
  • Get skinny
  • Develop a new skill
  • Be more kind
  • Read my scriptures daily
  • Blog more
  • Be more understanding
  • Get away from technology once in a while
  • Journal 
  • Listen
  • Study harder
  • Save money
  • Love
  • Smile
  • Sing
  • Be a better friend
  • Work harder
  • Take in the nature
  • Laugh a lot
  • Stay off soda
  • Forgive & Forget
  • Grow my hair out long
  • Do tons of crafts
  • Be more organized
  • Let life take it's course sometimes
  • Love the highs and learn from the lows
  • Make some new friends

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Un(well not even)Invited

It's upsetting that someone I used to consider my closest friend, is acting like this. We've had our ups and downs (a lot of downs as of late), but I still think I'm your friend and you're still mine. It's sad to think that you're being outright rude to get back at me. I never did anything. I just didn't want to be treated like garbage so I told you how I felt. I thought we were fine. We still hangout a lot and I even invited you hot tubbing a couple weekends ago. It's very immature of you to make it obvious that you aren't inviting me to your party. I don't care if I'm invited or not it's just a party that I probably won't remember in a year. BUT when you outright hand the invitations out while I stand right there talking to you... that stings. For a minute I wanted to get back at you. Then I realized it's definitely not worth it. I'm not 5 and I am willing to stand up and be the better person. "Treat people the way you want to ne treated". I would think you would have caught on to that one by know, considering the many times you've complained about people not liking you.
I'm sorry for whatever I did for you to need to "get back at me". Have a fun party!

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

High School

I know one day I will look back on High School and remember how easy life was back then. For now, I will keep struggling in Honors Pre-Calculus and Chemistry. I will look back on high school and laugh about all of the crazy things my friends and I did. I'll cherish these memories that I make each day. I will look back and smile. High school. A place to learn and grow. A place to laugh and love. A place to cry when you suck at math. A place that sometimes is so hard to be at, so you stay home instead. A place where there are teachers who care, and notice the little things that happen. A place to be challenged. A place where you struggle through the week and look ahead to the glorious 2 days of freedom. High school The best-worst 4 years of your life. A place for stress. A place for those days when you didn't get any sleep the night before because you were so worried about your test. A place for knowledge. A place for progression. A place for responsibility and accountability. A place for loads of homework. A place for difficult projects. A place for goofing off during study hall. High school is just a place that someday will hold a lot of memories for me, but for now I've got to keep pushing through the loads of homework and the stress of my classes. I have to study hard and get the grades. So that I, Miss Mariah Gaines, can be proud of myself when I walk out of the doors in May 2015. I will make it. I know I will.

Monday, November 11, 2013

F is for Friends

Friendship is real folks! All of last year I was hoping to find a group of friends like in the movies.  Friends that are just fun and just do crazy shenanigans all the time. I have finally found them! Court, Phoebs, Rebekah and Lexie. They are easy and fun to be around and I never have to act different or try to be someone I'm not when I'm around them. I love how I can just come to them with my problems and they will listen and comfort me instead of telling me that I'm dumb. They really care about me and I love that. That is what friendship is all about. I do not know what I would do without them! They make me a better person. They help me to hold tight to the iron eod and encourage me to be my best self. I'm so lucky!  No one out there has better friends than I do!

Sunday, November 10, 2013

16 goin' on 17

I'll be 17 in a mere 17 days. I couldn't be more excited! November is such a good month to have a birthday! There is thanksgiving, black Friday, thanksgiving break, the whole sha-bang! It's like the whole month is celebrating you. It's just far enough away from Christmas that you still get a lot of presents on your birthday AND christmas. It's really just perfect. Plus we're in that cozy fall season where everyone wants to cuddle up in blankets and watch movies, which are my most favorite hobbies! The holiday season is upon us and everyone is cheery and it just feels great to be alive! Happy Birth Month To Me!  

Monday, November 4, 2013

*insert a creative title that describes this post because I'm brain dead and can not think of one*

Guess who remembered she has a blog! Oh yes, me!
Recently, I've been blogging about how annoying people are and then grinding them down to dirt. I am truly sorry for that and I will refrain from those kinds of posts. A while ago I saw a post a friend wrote about me and it really made me upset to see what she had to say. I know she was just upset and that was her way to vent her frustrations and she didn't intend for me to happen upon it, but it still made me feel like dirt. I wouldn't want anyone to feel the way I felt.
Anyways, I'm SO excited that it's finally November! My birthday is T-minus 23 days away and I could not be more excited! 17! Wow time flies fast, I remeber (what feels like yesterday) when I was in Harmons telling the cashier that I was 7 and a half. Almost 10 years have passed by since then. I've grown and learned a lot. I'm grateful for everything that I've been through that has helped me become who I am today. Even the really hard times when all I wanted was to hibernate until everything was better.
I may or may have not been secretly wishing that my birthday is the best birthday yet. I'm seriously so excited to spend it with my friends! I don't even care what I recieve as long as I get to be with my favorite people in the whole world! 23 days can not come soon enough.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

I can not handle

I must just be the bih friend.
And I'm kinda over it.
I HATE feeling like this.
I'm sick of being responsible and a good friend and then people being bratty about my boyfriend.
I'm just bugged.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Jam Packed Sunday

Technology must hate me. I wrote a super long post and I got a text in the middle. When I opened the text my WHOLE post deleted. I proceeded to cry and then explode.
Now I'm going to try and re-do my post.

I had the amazing opportunity to attend 3 sacrament meetings today. 2 mission farewells and a primary program. The highlights of the meetings go as follows:

- everyone can have empathy. It is easier to empathize with someone if you have gone through something similar to what they have gone through.
- people who have had the hardest trials smile the brightest. Everyone has their trials, but those who have been at their ends wit have the brightest countenance. A smile to them is not just a smile, it is an expression of the joy they are able to feel. When they smile their lips don't just curl up. Their whole face shines with happiness. Those kinds of people make me happy. I'll let you in on a little secret, they also make the best friends.
- Missinary work is not about you (the missionary)  it is about helping others come into our loving gosple. It is about god, not you.
- Primary children are the closest beings to heaven. They exude happiness. How can you not be happy when the little primary children are screaming the primary songs.
- Our gosple is simple, yet complex. You can have all of the answers, yet none of the answers at the same time. This is wondeful! It let's you be the one to decide what is right. It makes you think and helps you grow as a person.
- About to be missionaries give the best hugs
- Families are forever
And last but certainly not least
- The church is true. (It's really true folks, so believe it.)
I am so blessed to have friends that encourage me to be my best self and lift me higher. I'm so grateful that they set the example for me in being strong members of the church. Without their examples, I do not know where I would be.
I'm so grateful for the soon to be missionaries who spoke today and strengthened my testimony. I lobe this church. I'm so blessed to have been born into it.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Change is in the air

"Fall is falling, it hasn't fell yet. But it's falling." -a quote from a girl who's blog I read.
This quote sums up how it feels outaide today.
The seansons are changing,  you can feel it in the air and you can smell it. I'm so excited for what this fall will bring.
Fall is falling, it hasn't fell yet. But it's falling. 

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Life after High School.

I'm only a junior.. but that doesn't mean I can't look into the future. What am I going to do with the  rest of my life?
Where am I going to go to college?  What about my friends? Do I want to move out? Or live at home? What about a room mate? What about how bossy I am, how can I handle a new situation? This whole High School ending really freaks me out. In May 2015, I will graduate. I will begin my new life.  This is so out of my confort zone.
Ever since I was little I dreamed about going to Cascade, Canyon View,  and last but not least, big ole' Orem High. All my babysitters used to tell me how cool and fun high school was, and it definitely is. I can't believe I've already concured 1 (well I guess 2 if you count freshman year) year of highschool. I still have the rest of this year and next year, but it is all going by so fast. I have so many questions, but I don't like a lot of the answers.
I'm almost 17, I still have my whole life before me. How am I going to spend it? Hiw will I make it count? 

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Why ya gotta be so mean?

I people watch sometimes. This one specific time, was at the football game on Friday night. This girl who is in my seminary class, (who gets up a lot and talks about how she is having a hard time with the people she thought were her friends) was sitting with these girls who are her "friends". I noticed one of the girls said, "Hey! Let's take a picture!" Then when the girl leaned in to be in the picture, that same girl said, "Oh. I just meant us." Then snapped the picture of her and another girl. The girl from my seminary class was obviously embarrassed. Her face got a little pink and tears filled her eyes.
It really makes me sad how people can ne so rude. I know I'm not perfect and I know that I have been in fault of some of these same actions before, but it breals my heart. This girl, is one of the sweetest girls I know. She also has one of the strongest testimonies. These other girls disregard her, as if she is trash. I'm sure this girl has started to believe she must be trash. She is trying so hard to be a good friend to them and they just don't care.
High school is a place where this situation happens often. It's really sad and It breaks my heart.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Did you really think study hall was for homework?

As I sit here, in study hall, I have a lot of time to think. This is a class where it is totally up to you on what you get accomplished. There is no "lesson plan" or a course to get through. Just a time for you to do homework. It is a quiet-er class than normal. Everyone is working on their own homework and so it's not a class you need a friend in. This leaves me to think about my work and whatever else is bouncing through my brain.
I've been thinking a lot of people lately. Why do people do what they do? Why do they speak in such a derogatory manner? Why do they start rumors? Why do they give people reputations that they don't deserve?   
People are complicated; it's as simple as that. Everyone goes through things in a different way. Some people show how they feel differently. If someone feels bullied they might bully another to get revenge, or feel better about themselves.
It's really sad how our world is becoming more and more selfish. We don't care what others are going through if it has nothing to do with us.
I try to be mindful of other people. I know what it feels like to be picked on and torn down. I try to be friendly to everyone. I also try to accept people from all walks of life. If you're nice to me, I'll be nice to you.
Of course, I'm nowhere near perfect. I do mess up often. Sometimes I do judge based on appearance, or your reputation,  or where you come from. Sometimes it is just so easy to make a false accusation about someone so you don't have to get to know them. You know you won't like them, so why try? Maybe, you're meant to be in their life. Maybe you could learn somehting from them that you couldn't learn from anyone else.
I'm trying to be better about judging people. I want to have people think that I'm one of those girls who is friends with anyone and who is willing to talk to anyone if they need to talk to someone. 

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Discovery. Of. The. Day.

Since our school is 50 below and I freeze to death everyday, I found out if you go into the bathroom and turn on the hand dryer, it makes a pretty good heater!
I just thought I'd help you out by making you aware of this super great trick!
Send me some warmth tomorrow as I trudge through school.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Enjoying The Most Important Show; Life

"I'm just a little bit caught in the middle, life is a maze and love is a riddle. I don't know where to go, can't do it alone I've tried, but I got to let it go... and just enjoy the show." (- the show; lanka)

Take what life throws at you with a smile. Life IS a maze, it wasn't made to be easy. It's supposed to challenge us and help us develope. We have to learn from our mistakes and grow every day. My life isn't easy, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Friday, August 23, 2013

{ 4th Day of School Blues }

How in the world is it only the 4th day of school?! We haven't even had a weekend yet. Yet, it feel like I've been in school for 2 weeks. If time keeps going by this slow I'm going to have a mental break down. I'm sure after a couple of weeks I'll get into my... for lack of a better word "grove" (ew, I sound like some creepy old man) then school will *hopefully* start flying by and it'll be Christmas! 
Until then, I'm stuck in study hall. Taking a "break" from doing my homework because this packet is massive and I'm sick of doing scientific notation. 
Maybe this, "let's try and challenge myself by doing hard classes", thing was not the best idea. I've only been to 2 A-days and 2 B-days and I already have done SO much homework and I've got a nice pile for the weekend. 
I'm sure this will be a learning experience and I will grow and become more disciplined then I was before. But, as of right now I'm a little overwhelmed.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Can't sleep post #1 for school year 13-14

The cycle begins. Because of the 4 hour nap I took because I was exhausted from waking up at 6.... I can't sleep. I know it's only 10:30 and I should give it at least another 3 hours before I complain, but I like going to bed early and it's nearing what I would consider late.
Of course, the only thing I could think of to do because I can't sleep is blog. It just kind of correlates. No sleep= Blog. Makes perfect sense. 
I did actually survive the first day of school. I made it to all of my classes on time ( not that I was actually worried about being on time ) and I really like all of them. I'm sure as the year goes on there will be classes that I absolutely dread, but for now I like all of my classes. Of course, school is school which isn't fun at all, but I'm trying to make the best of it. This year is already better than last year and it's only been 3 days! I have high hopes for the rest of the year. I'm going to try and make it as enjoyable as possible.  Tiger pride! Go OHS!

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Ears to hear

I'm there for everyone. I always have been. If you need someone to listen to you, I'm there.
But if I need someone, there is no one for me.
I'm starting to get really really REALLY sick of it..

My little oasis

All of my *used to be* senior, friends are getting ready for missions, moving out, and going to college. I'm so glad I'm not in the stage of my life yet. That is way to stressful for my poor little soul. I love how I have my own little schedule and mu own little space. Moving out means a new space, new people, maybe a roomate? I like things to be perfect. It's my own little form of OCD.
I'm so weird about every thing having a place. Clutter gived me anxiety. I like the "home-y" style of peoples room's, but I honestly could not handle it in my own room because I wouldn't be able to sleep.
When I get stressed or anxious I clean. Yesterday, I cleaned: My room &my bathroom, the hallway, the main bathroom, The landing & stairs, and the Kitchen.
Sometimes, I just have to clean. It's another form of debriefing for me.
I like order and perfection. 

Thursday, August 15, 2013

A little retail therapy never hurt nobody

There should probably be a limit to how many times in a week a person can go to target. This week I've been 4 times... and it's only thursday.
There is just something about target that is so relaxing to me. If I'm bored or stressed or need a break from everyone, I just head on over to Target. I usually end up coming home with a random assortment of products that I didn't need, but who cares! This week I have bought:
Beach babe sea salt spray
2 pairs of tennis shoes
1 pair of flats
1 pair of sandals
2 binders
6 folders
2 five subject notebooks
10 pens
10 pencils
3 packs of pencil lead
8 party hats
1 birthday girl button
1 twenty-five dollor I tunes gift card
1 ferbreze car vent freshener.
And I bought ALL of this for under $90. I guess you could call me a savvy saver!

School starts in 5 days. I have been looking forward to it all summer. Now I have been hit with a case of the "before the first day of school jitters". I'm starting to get really nervous. Plus, I still have a page of my pre-calculus honors packet to do. Please, let me survive the first day of school.

Monday, August 5, 2013

When one door closes, a better one opens

It ALL makes sense now. Things didn't work out before, so this could! I'm so glad that I was patient with god and his timing. That I stuck out the hard times, and kept pushing forward. I would never had imagined this happening, but now that it did I wouldn't trade it for the world! Ahhh I'm so happy!

Wednesday, July 31, 2013


I saw a little boy today, he looked just like you did when you were a kid. The memories all flooded back. Tears filled my eyes and I blinked them away. I couldn't cry then, I was at work. That little boy didn't even know me so why would I cry? He'd think I was insane.
I heard once, you don't miss the person you miss the memories. That's not true. I miss you and I miss our friendship. I'd give anything if we could talk, just at least be friends again. It's so hard for me, I gave everything for you. Now we don't even talk. I put so much effort into that friendship for it to all fall apart. It kills me. I wonder of you ever think about me. Do you remember all the fun we had? Do cherish the memories? Do you wish we were still friends? I do. I wish with every being of my soul. I miss you.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

I love this song:)

Sunday, July 28, 2013

"Can't we all just get along?"

I was driving at 5:30am one morning, back in November. Mr. Steele was always telling us these random inspirational stories about all these people and the lessons that need to be learned. This particular morning, he was telling us about Rodney King. A man who was in the middle of the riots and found himself attacked by police. He is famous for his saying, "Can't we all just get along?"
Why can't we? Everyone is going through something right now. How hard is it to forget about yourself for a bit amd help someone else out? It's really easy. Even the smallest things can change a persons day. A smile. A hug. A compliment.  A friend. A good laugh. Of course it's easier said than done. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own life we forget there are people out there who need us. Instead of one-uping eachothers problems, can't we just agree that everyone is struggling and try and be kind to everyone?
I'm grateful for that very early morning when Steele taught me this lesson. It's something I'll never forget.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Accidents happen.

Of course. As soon as I get home from traffic school, I get yelled at for being ungrateful. Typical. Cause I'm a typical arrogant teenager. This makes everything that's going on right now in my life, so much more awesome.

All I do is think about that accident. If I could go back, I would. I'd prevent it. The first two nights after I didn't sleep. I still have nightmares and I wish it never happened. Do you ever consider how I feel? Nope.

I HATE that adults think all teenagers are stupid, stuck-up, and that they're opinons don't matter. I'm not a stupid teenager. I do have an opinion and I do have feelings. Adults aren't always right like they think they are. Us "ungrateful teenagers" know quite a bit. We're not as naive as we seem. Just because I don't go around preaching my gratitude, doesn't mean I am ungrateful. Maybe if you took a minuet to spend time with me you'd understand that.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Vent sesh.

I'm trying to get over myself. I'm tired of always feeling left out and like the third wheel. It's tough being the ugly friend when you used to be the pretty one. I know that sounds so shallow, but that's how I feel. I feel like a shallow brat who only cares about herself. I don't know how to feel anymore. I just want to curl up in a ball. Why does it matter so much if someone likes me or not? Why can't I just get over it? Why can't I just be okay with life and just go with the flow? Oh right, because I'm me. Being me really sucks right now. I wish I was someone else.

Thursday, July 25, 2013


I have turned into one of those cat obsessed people I always used to make fun of. I never really was a "cat person". Cats used to make me squirm and I always sneezed when I was around them so I thought I was allergic. Then, about a month ago, we got a cat. I love this little kitty so much! She is my favorite! Her name is technically September, but I call her Poppy or Stella or kitty (mostly kitty). Our poor cat is going to have an identity crisis, but oh well! I'm trying to teach her the meaning of the word cuddle... it's not going as well as I hoped but I'm sure she'll get the hang of of sooner or later... I hope. I hope she turns into one of those really fat cats that you keep around to cuddle with and make fun of. I also hope she mellows out, right now she is extremely crazy.  But until then, I'm going to love this little spawn of satan :)

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Train yourself!

《 If everyone did this; this world would be so much better ♥ 》

Monday, July 22, 2013

The road more or less traveled by

Life is quite the journey, indeed. You never know what will be thrown at you or what obstacles will be in your way. You learn and grow each day, by overcoming obstacles that our heavenly father selected just for us. Life, of course, isn't always easy (and no one said it would be) you have to take a step back, take a deep breath, take a few minuets to see the full picture, and then keep on trucking. Giving up is never an option. People are each given a different set of trials. Don't go around comparing your life and trials to someone else's. It's sometimes easy to compare your progress to anothers, but that's not fair to either of you. Everyone's life is unique to them. I came acrossed a quote not to long ago that said: "Don't hate the sinner; hate the sin". I really like it. It helps me to remember that everyone makes mistakes and everyone is different.  It is easy for us, me especially, to judge others from the mistakes we have made. No one has the right to judge another unless they are perfect themselves. Since no one will have the opportunity to be perfect while here on this earth, no one can judge. Love everyone and greet everyone with a smile! :) Remember, life is a journey. 

Monday, July 15, 2013

A *short* break from the world

I wrote this super inspirational post, but of course, just my luck it got erased.
I'm really excited for girls camp tomorrow, it's going to give me a bit to relax, relieve my self from the stresses of the world and to be more in tune with the spirit and devine revelation. I've been stuck in a rut lately. I'm hoping I can use this time to figure out what I am supposed to do next.
A very wise monkey once told me: "The past can hurt, but the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it"
I feel like the quote really speaks to me. I've been thinking about the past a lot recently. The past is over, can't be tweaked with. I've just got to learn from my mistakes and keep myself in the present. Girls camp will be good for me. It'll be different not having my phone or being able to play candy crush but I know I will come back with a greater understanding of what I need to do.

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Stop; don't look back

Two posts in one day? Lucky you! 
I was waiting in my car for my friend yesterday. I looked in the mirror and saw this. It reminded me that things are in the past for a reason. So I shouldn't keep looking back.


Why? Why am I acting like such a poor picked on victim? What do I have to complain about? A lot more people have seen more heartbreak in the past couple years than I could ever fathom. How could I be so shallow? The nicest lady at my work; I don't think she's evee said 1 unkind thing about anybody was cheated on in her first marriage. Would you even know? No. She let her trial make her better not bitter. One of the funniest girls I have ever met; lost more people in her life this year, then i could ever imagine. Been through trial after trial. Is she bitter? No, she keeps living her life in hope that one day things will get better. A girl I've never really talked to; she has seen so much saddness. Losing loved one after loved one. A sibling and a best friend. She keeps on smiling and changing people for the better.  A family member; she lost her mom and dad within a month. She still thrives and goes through life smiling. What do I have to complain about? Nothing. I'm so very grateful for all my father in heaven has blessed me with. I have been blessed with so much. I'm also extremely grateful for my knowledge of eternal families. I know I will be able to see all my loved ones again. I'm going to try from now on, to write down 1 thing I was blessed with each day. I think that will help me to see how truly blessed I really am.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

No one listens. Everyone believes the false face I put on every day. I'm not happy. I'm hurting. I need someone to understand that and help me, I'm done helping other people who have no desire to help me. My heart is heavy and it hurts. Am I so terrible?

Friday, May 31, 2013


I'm sick of feeling down. I'm ready to be free from all of the things dragging me down. Summertime seems like the time for me to free myself. I'm not going to let anything drag me down anymore. I'm going to be my happiest self and ignore and angry or hurt or sad feelings. No one needs those! I'm going to make the choice to be happy and to enjoy myself this summer! I'm going to work on me. I'm ready to be free.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

I swear I only blog late at night on school nights

Yep. 12:05. Tomorrow is Monday morning. It's going to be rough, so I'm officially making tomorrow a no judgement zone  (and pretty much every day for the rest of the school year) I don't know what it is about the month of May, but I haven't been able to go to bed on school nights til 1 or later. Which is so irritating because I know I'm going to be dead tired in the morning... but whatever, I didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose me. So instead of sleeping I've been scrolling through twitter for 3 hours and pinning things on pinterest likr a maniac. I really don't even know what to talk about so I don't even know why I'm writing this post. I can't collect my thoughts, I have so many zooming around my brain. This is probably because of sleep deprivation but who cares. Yolo, right? Just in case you were wondering my butt hurts like none other. That's like half the reason I can't sleep. I'm so accident prone it is incredible. I should get a nobel prize for being able to get randomly injured, since it seems to happen a lot.
The last 2 weeks of school are completely pointless. CRT's are over so why do we still have school?  That's so dumb. And now I'm just rambling... so I'm going to end this string of random thoughs. I hope you were thoroughly entertained.

Friday, May 17, 2013


I really can't believe how people can't see.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

The itch you can't scratch

It itches. Everytime I see you. But I can't get the feeling to go away. I want to tell you what's going on but I know you'll freak out. So instead I'll keep feeling itchy and having the urge to tell you everything. I feel like we've both changed and grown apart and we're both bitter toward eachother. That makes it itchier. Like a thick wool sweater in the middle of a hot summer day. I wish the itching would seize, so I could stop worring about it, all day. Help.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Songs that apply to me right now, at 1:07 am on a school night

1. "I'm wide awake" -Katy Perry
2. "How to save a life"- The fray
3. "I cry"-Flo Rida
4. That "I miss You" song, miley sings on Hannah Montana when she is missing her mom.
5. "Mama"-boys 2 men
6. "Don't stop believing"-Journey
7. "Falling in"-lifehouse
8. "Riding solo"- jason derulo
9. " ain't no mountain high enough"- I have no clue
10. "What time is it" (at least I think that's what it's called? The one from High School Musical, you know what I'm talking about.)
11. "I love it"-Icona pop
12. "She's so mean"-matchbox 20
13. Every Train song ever- train
14. Every song by hot chelle ray- hot chelle ray
15. Every song by imagine dragons -imagine dragons
16. "You and I"-ingrid Michelson
17. That dumb new song by Bridgit mendler that has been stuck in my head for days. The only part I can remember is "when you're standing in the eye of a hurricane"
18. "What doesn't kill you makes you stonger"-Kelly Clarkson. You go girl

I'm sure there is like 85 more songs I just can't think anymore.
*side note*
I'm obsessed with lists, if you couldn't already tell.
*Late Night Musings*

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

You, have made all the difference.

Back when I was in 7th grade, someone helped me grow a lot. This someone just happened to be a teacher named, Mr. Hoopes. I was having a semi rough time in 7th grade. New school, more homework, friends, self esteem, not to forget becoming a teenager is crazy stuff. On top of all of this my dad's cancer came back.
I remember the night that my dad told the kids he had cancer again. I tried to pretend like I was fine and I didn't even cry until that night when everyone else was asleep.
I remeber walking into math the next morning and thinking: "oh crap! I never did my math homework!" I walked up to Mr. Hoopes' desk and hesitantly asked him if it would be okay if I turned my homework in the next day, because I had just learned my dad had cancer again and I had not gotten around to doing my homework. Of course he said yes.
Througout the rest of the year, he would pull me aside or out of class to ask me how I was and how my dad was. It was really nice to have someone to talk to. It was a big thing to carry around with me on my little 7th grader shoulders and something I couldn't ever talk about with my friends.
He really helped me to grow as a person. I don't know how I would have survived the rest of the year if he wouldn't have been there helping me out. I don't know if I could ever thank him enough for all he did for me. He has made all of the difference.

The Blog Stalker (that would be me) Strikes Again

I'm an EXTREME  blog stalker. I looove reading people's blogs! It's kind of a peak into their mind. How they view people,events, and the world. It's pretty interesting to me to be able to see something from someone else's point of view. I see links to people I know's blogs on their Instagram and Facebook and I'm like *ooooooooo* Then I proceed to read pretty much every post they have ever written.. which is kind of creepy but I love how people are themselves on their blog. But then I feel super creepy and I feel like I have to conceal information I learned while I was on my Blog Stalking Spree. They will be telling me a story and I'll be thinking to myself: Yeah, I know I read about it on your blog. But I don't say that out loud and listen to their story like it's the first time I've heard it. If you don't think anyone is reading your blog, I probably am, sorry if that's creepy. and if you want  me to start reading your blog comment your address or send me an email and I'll check it out!

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Really. What is it?

What is it to really live?
To really enjoy the life you have be blessed with?
How do you show your appreciation?

Shut out.

Being shut out is confusing. I know it's a defense mechanism, but it hurts. I'd rather have someone tell me exactly what's going on and hurt me, rather than be shut out. I'm being shut out from every direction.
Please, just let me in.

Vent sesh

I always feel like I write the best, most thought provoking posts, when I'm full of feelings and emotion. I can't ever find the words to say when I'm not either upset or angry. Why? Why is it the surge of emotion that makes people different? I know everyone has experienced it.
The surge of words that come spurting out when you can't take it anymore. The frusterated, garbled stream of words that is shot into the person who said that one thing, the last little box added to the load bearing down on you.
You never really know what the little things you say can do to someone.
People are complicated. It's as simple (I'm so funny ) as that. Especially in our times today, everyone is comparing themselves to others. Tearing others down to buold themselves up. The fast paced, savage-like lifestyle of today's world.
Be careful what you say. Words do hurt, and You never know how heavy the load someone is carrying and what simple thing you say to someone, can break them. Something that "I was just kidding." And "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it." Will never be able to fix.
I know I have been guilty of saying these phrases before, and that I, especially lately, have been trying to stop. That dumb little snarky remarks don't need to be said. It's so much easier to be kind and it makes you so much happier.
"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

The Event of the Night

My car ran out of gas. 2 ( yes 2!!!!) streets away from my house. Do I just have bad luck? Did I do something to someone and this is karma getting back at me? I was just trying to drive my sisters friend home who literally lives 2 streets away. All of the sudden I couldn't push the gas. I started to pull over but then the car started to work again, so I shrugged it off. It happened again as I went to turn down my sister's friend's street. But my car wouldn't turn. I started freaking out and panicking and I slammed on the breaks. Then the car totally shut off and there I was in the middle of the road. Of course being me I started to have a panic attack and I was like freaking out and yelling at my sister to call my mom. (My poor neighbor is probably traumatized and terrified of me now.. oops) Long story short, some neighbors saw and helped push my car off of the road and my dad brought gas to fill up my car so I could make it to a gas station. But this was seriously the most stressful event of today and pretty much my whole life. 

Sunday, March 3, 2013

A very special shoutout ♥

Happy birthday (tomorrow, the 4th) to my very best friend in the whole wide universe! I don't know what I'd do without her! We are so random and awkward and hilarious when we are together:) we have been friends since 6th grade and we practically speak in constant inside jokes! We were also almost killed and locked in a bathroom together, idk how you get any closer than that:) sometimes when I bump my elbow and almost spill my milk, she comes to see if I'm okay and it scares me so bad I pee my pants! (Okay.... that only happened once) This girl is single and now ready to mingle! Happy Birthday my #bffforlyfe!

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Yep, it's official!

I found a job:) after 3 months of looking i got one! My dream job: working at my favorite fast food restraunt Taco Amigo :) it's okay to be jealous of me now!

Friday, February 8, 2013

Blessed ♡

Sometimes you have to slow things down. Take a minuet to reflect on life. Take a minuet to just take a deep breath in this crazy, busy, fast-paced world. To be grateful for all that you have been blessed with. I know that I am truly a very blessed girl. I have a wonderful life! It isn't always easy, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. "It's a bad day, not a bad life." I think about this quote a lot, especially when it's been a bad day and I just want to go home and lay in my bed, underneath the covers and never go back out into the world again. As of right now in my life, I'm just going with the flow. Letting life take me where I need to be. I'm just trying to relax and let the lord guide me through all the confusion and turmoil in this crazy, beautiful life of mine.♥

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Baby got back.

Watch "Full Performance of "Baby Got Back" from "Sadie Hawkins" | GLEE" on YouTube
I laugh everytime I watch this. Glee I'd like to personaly thank you for making this super hilarious cover to baby got back. I love it. I especially love the creepy ginger who sings "but I'd like to stay and play!" Thank you Gleee!

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

My life is the epitome of awkward.

That awkward moment... when your whole entire life is an awkward moment.  Exhibit A: I was walking out to my car after school and I totallt face planted it in the snow.. and guess what I did. Laughed. I just started laughing like a maniac! And I couldn't stop!

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Tonights craft!

{Tom Sandals!}
I saw this tutorial on pinterest and I thought I'd give it a try! It was super easy! At first I was skeptical on how mine turned out, but they have grown on me amd I really like them!
(Tutorial Link)

M. I. C. K. E. Y. M. O. U. S. E.

I found this super cool Mickey Mouse journal at Seagull Book for only $2! Score!

Oh boy...

That SUPER awkward moment when you almost forget to put deodorant on.... story of my life, every single morning. :(

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

*word* {of the day}

•  a.chieve.ment
1. A thing done successfully, typically by effort, courage, or skill.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Watch "Ingrid Michaelson - You and I" on YouTube

Best. Song. Ever.
Thank you Rachel for introducing me to this song:) it's my favorite!

I believe.

I believe minimalism is a bummer.
I believe in being underdressed or overdressed always.
I believe that my crafts and posts are award winning even though they've never actually won anything.
I believe anything handcrafted is life-enhancing.
I believe colors can't clash.
I believe in irreverent luxury.
I believe my blig is the key to YOUR happiness.

Saturday, January 19, 2013


I know that I've like bombed my blog this week... but there has just been a lot on my mind!

Please hustle.
I think I'm going to die of that seasonal depression thingy if you don't come right now.
Winter is nice and all. You know, Christmas, sledding, other winter activities. But there is only so much you can do when it's -500 degrees every single day.
In the summer, the possibilities are endless! You can have endless amounts of fun! And you create so many good memories,  summer is amazing!
Staying out late,
Summer rain,
Outdoor movies,
Sleeping out on the trampoline,
Going boating,
Going up to bridalveil,
Playing in the waterfall,
Bike riding,
Long boarding,
Lazy days,
The list goes on and on. I just L.o.v.e. Summer! I want it to be here so badly!
I can't wait to be singing... "what time is it,  summertime! " (I LOVE highschool musical btw)

Friday, January 18, 2013

It hurts...

Words hurt. That is all there is to it. No amount of "I was just kidding! " or "I am so sorry!" Will ever fix it. Thanks "friends" you made me feel fantastic tonight. Think before you speak.

Thursday, January 17, 2013


I have been blessed with a new found freedom: turning the big 1-6!  16!  What a great age:) Driving, Dating, Highschool,  it's all just fun stuff! Driving above all is my favorite. I don't feel confined anymore, I don't have to wait on anyone. I can just go! I am free! I love this new feeling or responsibility and freedom.  It makes me feel like such a big kid:) The next step in freedom is highschool graduation, which is still quite aways off. For right now I'll be content with the freedom of 16!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

One Tree Hill

Okay, I know that this show is so "old" (from the early 2000) but it is so good! I'm obsessed I talk about it all the time and can relate anything to it! When I find out people have actually seen it I get so happy! (Don't judge!  It's an "old show" remember?) I wish I lived in the small town of Tree Hill. With Lucas, Nathan,  Peyton,  Brooke,  Mouth, Skills, Karen, Keith, Andy, Deb, Jake and Jenny! Ahhhh! I just love it so much! Half of the time I don't even know why I watch the end of almost every episode I bawl like a baby. The mesaages the show portrays just really get to me *Wipes away a tear* This series has completely dragged me in. Like it is funny, and dramatic, sad, happy all bundled up into one AMAZING t.v. show! I didn't even realize a show could be this great! It's just a good, I had a *enter any adjective positive or negative here* day, I think I'll watch some One Tree Hill. Oh man:) If you've never seen it.. I strongly COMMAND you to go watch it!! It's on Netflix!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

I don't want to be.

I don't need to be anything other Than a prison guard's son I don't need to be anything other Than a specialist's son I don't have to be anyone other Than the birth of two souls in one Part of where I'm going is knowing where I'm coming from.
I don't want to be Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately All I have to do is think of me and I have a peace of mind I'm tired of looking 'round rooms Wondering what I've got to do Or who I'm supposed to be I don't want to be anything other than me
I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn I'm surrounded by impostors everywhere I turn I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn Am I the only one who's noticed? I can't be the only one who's learned.
I don't want to be Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately All I have to do is think of me and I have a peace of mind I'm tired of looking 'round rooms Wondering what I've got to do Or who I'm supposed to be I don't want to be anything other than me
Can I have everyone's attention please? If you're not like this and that, you're gonna have to leave I came from the mountain The crust of creation My whole situation made from clay to stone And now I'm telling everybody
I don't want to be Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately All I have to do is think of me and I have a peace of mind I'm tired of looking 'round rooms Wondering what I've got to do Or who I'm supposed to be.
I don't want to be anything other than me.
I don't want to be I don't want to be I don't want to be.

Monday, January 14, 2013

I have contagion.

You know, That one disease! The one where people have the "flu" but 24 hours later they die. Yep, I'm next. Say your goodbyes now people. In 24 hours I will be no more... like for real though. I feel like death. I couldn't even walk down the hall to my bedroom after I got done watching bunheads. I almost passed out when I stood up. So I put my blanket around me and crawled to my room. Let's just say... I'm getting WAY too old for that kind of stuff. I feel yucky and I want to sleep but I'm not tired and my head is pounding.... yep. This is it, contagion has reached me. Be careful,  you could be next

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Winner winner, chicken dinner.

In English they made me enter a poetry contest. Of course, I totally forgot to write my poem for homework. So in the five minuets before class started I hurriedly scribbled one down on some paper.  I entered it into the contest not expecting anything. This morning when I checked my email and this is what I saw...
Yep. I won the poetry contest and they're going to publish my poem in this poetry book. Maybe I should start doing all of my homework in the 5 minuets before class starts;)

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

New year, new motivation :)

This is my motivation collage for the year! (It's not done yet, don't worry!)


Okay I know I've written a post like every single day this week... but who cares! I've been in a writing mood!
I wish people would validate others morw often. Not compliment, validate. Sometimes conpliments are insincere, said just to be nice or make someone feel good. But really it just gives them false hopes.
We should VALIDATE! Give an honest sincere validation. Tell people what you really like about them. Not "I like your shirt". Explain to them how you like their simple(or complex depending on the person) personality traits. How you have noticed that they are so nice and friendly to everyone, even wgen no one is around to hear/see them being kind. Or how you like their determination to suceed in life. Instead of the very over-used, somtimes insincere "compliment".
Now go, go out and validate!

Monday, January 7, 2013

10 essentials of life


Sunday, January 6, 2013


Harry Potter is amazing!:) Your argument is invaild. What other book series can just give you the feeling that
HP does? After any of the books, let alone the whole series! JK Rowling is seriously the most amazing lady, to have created such a great world. The world of Hogwarts. Let's be honest.... Harry Potter has got to be pretty legit to have it's own theme park! I just love Harry Potter, no other book/ series can even compare. Nothing even comes close! Harry I love you:)

Thursday, January 3, 2013


Missing someone is like trying to remember someone you have never met. It hurts and you try harder and harder to remember how they made you feel. How they made you feel important, like you were the most amazing thing in the world. How they made you laugh and smile so hard you look like an idiot. How you could be 1000000% yourself, there was never and judgment. They sacrificed for you. They offered support, advice, and help when you had a problem. Just listened; let you vent for however long you needed then gave you a long meaningful hug afterward. You feel so lost and alone. Like no one understands or gets you like they did. How are you not supposed to be sad? Losing the person who was your whole world. Who you could laugh, cry, be a dork around, never canceled plans, was not ashamed of you, wanted to show you off and tell the world about you, wanted to be with you as much as you wanted to be with them. How are you supposed to forget all of that? How can you be happy? I feel like something is missing in my life. I feel empty inside, and not a single person understands.