When I grow up (I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star.... No? Alright.)

Ever since I was born, it has felt like people have  been asking, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" or "What are you going to do with your life?" or "What's next?" or "What are you doing after high school?" The variety of questions all similar that adults ask people younger than them to try to feel connected and then open up their own can on opinion and pour it all over your dreams. 

I've answered in various ways:

• A Cowgirl (I was in preschool-lay off)
• A Mom  (My number 1 choice) 
• A Teacher
• A Beautician 
• A Graphic Designer 
• A Dental Assistant (Currently pursuing)
• An Entrepreneur & own my own business (Pursing in my free time)

Lately, I've come to realize it doesn't matter what I do career wise, but more the kind of person I become, 

When I grow up I want to be:

• Kind. I never want people to feel hurt by me or the words I say or how I act. 
• Friendly & Outgoing. I want people to feel comfortable  around me and especially I want them to feel important when they are in my presence. 
• Someone who serves. I want to put others before myself and be willing to go out of my way to help people. I want to be able to see the needs of others and be there to lend a helping hand whenever possible. If it be convenient or not. I know that service brings you the biggest sense of accomplishment and happiness. I always feel happier when I am serving others. 
• I want to be mentally and emotionally strong. I want to be able to be strong for others as well as for myself. The world can be cruel sometimes and so can life and when life hits me to the ground I want to feel like I am able to overcome any and all obstacles. 
• Respected. I want to respect others and have the same respect I have given be returned to me. 
• A Leader. I want to be able to use my talent as a leader for good and as often as I can. 
• Organized. The more organized you are the more prepared you are for the curveballs of life. When you are organized you can fell relaxed and others are drawn to you more. 
• Happy. I want to feel so content in all areas of my life. I want to feel content in my family life, my spiritual life, my career, my home, my hobbies and my accomplishments. There is no better feeling than pure joy and contentment. I also want to have no regrets. All the trials turn into lessons and strength and I am ready- no matter the difficulty. 
• Confident. I want to exude confidence, but not in a cocky way. I want to be happy with myself. I want to be happy with the way I look and my flaws and my other qualities that make me, well me! I want to have high self esteem and self confidence. 
• Spiritual. I want to gather all the knowledge of this perfect gospel that I can in my time here on earth. I want to be knowledgeable on the scriptures, the commandments, and other sacred things this gospel has to offer. (If you are confused and not sure what I am talking about check out This! )
• Obedient. I want to be obedient to all the rules and laws of the land, the gospel and such.
• An Example. I want people to learn from my example and I want people to be like me when they "grow up". 

I am sure there are millions of more things I would like to be when I grow up. These are just a few of the ones closest to my heart. It doesn't matter what I become- it matters more who I become. 

Old Yeller (lol pun central)

Okay. So. I never thought I was going to be a yeller, but as it turns out... I am a yeller! Who would of thought! When I was younger ( and still to this day) I hate(d) when people (would) yell. It seriously gives me anxiety and it really hurts my ears because I have tiny baby sensitive ears.

Anyway, I didn't think I would turn out to be someone who causes a ruckus. Although, in the last couple of years, I've noticed that when things don't go my way (I'm kind of a control freak and I hate when things don't go exactly how I plan... even though that's life) or something annoys me I just freak out all dramatic & teenager like and complain loudly about how everything sucks and blah blah blah you know the drill. I'm basically the real life version of any teenage girl  movie character. Yuck!

As I've realized.. I've become sort of a hypocrite. I hate hate hate hate hate HATE when other people yell (or even talk loudly for that matter) yet, I find myself doing it constantly. Especially when I am upset in any sort of way.

Why is it that we always promise ourselves that we'll never do a certain thing, and then when we find ourselves doing that thing we are mortified?  Why do we set ourselves up for that kind of failure?  It is human nature to say one thing and do another but why? Because if you're around that behavior (i.e. Yelling) you usually tend to adopt it into your own daily life. Which is what has caused me to incorporate yelling and sometimes being a jerk to people who don't deserve it, into my life. I really never wanted to turn into this person.

So basically I wrote this whole thing to tell you ( yes you.) that I am horribly ashamed of myself for turning into a yeller which I swore on my life that I never would be.

Faafing. It's not for the weak.

I really had this fantastic topic to blog about... But every time I attempted (okay, only twice) it came out wrong. Soooooo I guess I'll scratch that and maybe I'll try again later! 

Anyway if you've seen my Twitter that I share with my sister (@gsquaredsisters) or my snapchat story, you know that tonight we "faaffed".

Basically it's this thing that my dad came up with and he thinks it is genius. Faaf stands for fitness as a family. He is obsessed with just saying the word faaf. He also made faaf into a verb and always says "We're going faaffing" or "Just faaffed". 

At first I thought it was pretty dumb, but the more you say it the funnier it gets! Allyson and I make it our goal to make fun of faafing as much as humanly possible. That's what we did the entire whole time on our walk around the block. 

Anyways, Thanks dad, for creating such an entertaining thing to my life! 

Practice makes perfect!

So lately I have been trying to be more active and live an overall healthier lifestyle. I go on family walks and hikes and I occasionally go to the gym but that is about it. I also have been trying to read my scriptures every day. I already read pretty regularly, but I am in no way perfect. *If you would like to know more about my beliefs as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints or have questions about the scriptures check out lds.org {or here's a direct link to Scripture Information}*
I figured there must be a way to combine these two things in a way to help me remember and achieve both goals in one step. To help motivate myself I scoured pinterest for ways to form habits the fastest and easiest with a busy schedule (since I work 40 hours a week and I have my own small business on the side, and I have a social life, and other things that need to be taken care of).
The article that was the most helpful talked about how it takes 21 days to form a habit. I really liked how relatively short 21 days can be and it seems like a good achievable goal unlike other lengthy goals that I had read about.
My biggest problem with starting a new goal is I miss a day and then it all goes down hill from there and I never get back on the bike and keep trucking. To help avoid any forgetful or laziness mishap, I made a visual to help me.

This little idea that I got off of pinterest is, as you can see on the frame to my door. Where I will see it frequently and it can constantly remind me to be active and read out of my scriptures. 

I am hoping to go through these next 21 days and then continue out of habit for the rest of my life. 

(I definitely am not even a tiny bit close to perfect, so that probably won't happen... but if this turns into the habit that I want it to, it will naturally continue.)

So we'll see where this next 21 day leads me to and I will update you as time goes on! 

Enjoy the rest of this beautiful Sunday! xo

"We've only been camping 2 minutes and I've already seen 3 earwigs" -Allyson

(she is terrified of earwigs)
Basically last Monday I moved out. It may have only been to the tent in my backyard, but it still counts right??
I decided since it is summer and I graduated highschool I wanted to move out... but I am really poor and My mom told me if I live at home she'll pay for me to go to school sooooo really living at home is the best choice.
But, as of lately my family has been on my nerves and I needed some space so I marched out to the garage drug the tent out of the clutter and called Tanner to set it up for me.
Tent living has seriously been the best idea Allyson and I (Okay, so I didn't "move out" by myself Allyson has been here the whole time with me) have ever had. 

Reasons to support last bold statement:

• Not only have I been able to sleep better, but I've been able to wake up well rested and with more energy. 
• It's been nice to be outside more and it has been 50x more relaxing.
• Cots are surprisingly comf.
• I've gotten the space that I desperately needed so I didn't murder my whole entire family in psychotic break/mass murder and go to prison for the rest of my life. 
• I get to do whatever I want in my new house.
• My new house is always clean and tidy and perfect.
• Sister bonding time
• Tons of laughs with my sister and we stay up til the wee hours of the morning chatting about life which is the best. (basically this and the last bullet are the same-who cares, my blog I do what I want).
• I didn't really move out so I don't have bills to pay or have to have freaky roommates.
• My mom can still cook dinner for me.
• I still don't have to fully be an adult with adult problems and 5 million bills to pay- but I do have more freedom. 
• Practice for when I really do live away from home, I will be more used to sleeping in a house alone.

Pretty much this has been such a great experience (thus far) that I plan to just live in the tent in my backyard for the duration of the summer. So if you need me, that's where I will be. 

Hobbies... Jobbies... Lobbies...

What in the world even is a hobby? What is a normal hobby? Why is everyone obsessed with finding a hobby? To me, I have a lot of baby hobbies that I bounce between.
I like to blog. I like to doodle and make little designs. I like to organize. I like being outside. I have just started to like going on short baby runs. I like to read. I like to go on bike rides. I like to watercolor (even though I'm not the greatest). I like to shop. I like to workout when I am stressed.
I like a lot of things. I don't just have one prominent hobby. That's why I think I have such a hard time telling people my hobby and what I do for fun. I do tons of different things in all different situations.
That's why I am trying to break away from the shame I sometimes  feel I tell someone I don't really have a hobby. I am me, and if that's not good enough for people, they don't have to talk to me!
So from now on, I am proud to have many baby hobbies and I am not going to let anyone make me feel bad for not settling down on one major hobby.

Mind games

There is something wrong with me. 

Not anything any amount of medicine or a doctor can fix. 

It's a mind thing,

I get caught up on thoughts. 

They swarm around my head. 

They pound against the walls of my skull. 

Leaving my head pounding and bruised inside. 

When this happens I can't shut it off, 

I can't stop my thoughts from tormenting me. 

Almost simultaneously as I receive a beating from my thoughts, 

My body goes into a panic. 

My heart rate spikes,

As my heart shoves against my chest. 

My body shakes. 

It feels like there is a 50 pound Boulder on my chest,

I can't breathe. 

I can't think clearly.

My body is filled to the brim with thoughts and emotions. 

It scares me more than anything. 

And then,

When what feels like hours have passed, it's all over. 

It can stop as quickly as it starts.

That's the real scary thing-

I never know when it's going to hit.