Mind games

There is something wrong with me. 

Not anything any amount of medicine or a doctor can fix. 

It's a mind thing,

I get caught up on thoughts. 

They swarm around my head. 

They pound against the walls of my skull. 

Leaving my head pounding and bruised inside. 

When this happens I can't shut it off, 

I can't stop my thoughts from tormenting me. 

Almost simultaneously as I receive a beating from my thoughts, 

My body goes into a panic. 

My heart rate spikes,

As my heart shoves against my chest. 

My body shakes. 

It feels like there is a 50 pound Boulder on my chest,

I can't breathe. 

I can't think clearly.

My body is filled to the brim with thoughts and emotions. 

It scares me more than anything. 

And then,

When what feels like hours have passed, it's all over. 

It can stop as quickly as it starts.

That's the real scary thing-

I never know when it's going to hit.