Tuesday, February 11, 2014

....And you are how old?

I am busy. I go to school. I have a job which I work at almost 20 hours each week. I'm in the Laurel class presidency, on the Stake Youth Council, and a YCL. I spend time with my friends and my boyfriend. I try and get the best grades I can and I sleep.
Most of the time I barely make it through each day. I have a lot of responsibility and I really do love it. Sometimes though, it feels like a burden. I usually feel like I should be perfect and be the best. I know that no one is perfect and that we all make mistakes. Not being able to fulfill a job makes me feel like dirt. I feel as though I should be able to handle everything on my plate and more. I constantly strive for perfection. Junior year has been especially challenging for me. I'm struggling to balance my social life, sleep, the rigor of my classes, work and relaxing. It is quite the act and I'm not doing so well. I really do not need any added stress or pressures in my life. I'm 17 and I shouldn't have to carry this much responsibility around like a ton of bricks.
A few weeks ago I was assigned to put together a musical number for the upcoming New Beginnings for the young women of my ward. I was sick in bed all week and I spent the next week frantically catching up in my classes. Last Tuesday, I tried to recruit a few young women to be in my musical number but none of them showed a real interest and I, knowing how stressful life can be, am never one to push. Sunday then rolled around and I still had not put together this musical number. The leader in charge of all this called a lady in my ward and bagged on me. She told her that she was going to call me out in young women's as a punishment for not fulfilling the assignment. That is not a way any adult should treat any teenager. Especially not one who is a leader and should be the biggest example. I do know people make mistakes and get frustrated but that was not the right way to handle the situation. As a 30- something year old, you should know how to handle things better. You are no longer in high school and you should act like it. How immature can you be?
The stress to be perfect is so prominent in my life that when I am given criticism or yelled at I break down. I'm so hard on myself and I just can't handle it.
You do not need to lie to my face about what happened and you definitely do not need to lie to the young women's president about it either. That is a very immature thing to do. I, as a 17 year old, know how to handle myself and act more mature.
You have really crushed my spirits and made me feel terrible. I feel like I'm no longer good enough and that I will not be trusted to carry out assignments. That breaks my heart.
I believe that everyone can be forgiven and that through the power of my Savior, I will be able to forgive her and myself for the things that have gone on.

No comments:

Post a Comment