Dreams are so trippy

I feel like lately especially (with my stress levels being through the roof) my dreams have become exponentially weirder. They are becoming so much more vivid than they were before which makes me tripped out because I can no longer distinguish between dream life and real life. This is a problem because now if something annoys me in my dream, or I get mad, or any distinct emotion, it carries over int real life. The following day all I can think about is how annoyed I am at that person or how annoying the situation was. It is really interfering with my actual life.

Just thought you wanted to know

Help me? Please!

Oooooohhhhkay. I'm not even sure if I still have followers?? Is there anybody out there? Well we'll just have to give it a shot! 

Soooo for my senior project for my college writing class was to create a business! 

I chose to create a home organizing business! I'm super excited and finally to the point where I am look for customers! If you (or anyone you know) need some help organizing your house please check out my website

www.straightenupco.weebly.com 

It has all my pricing and my contact info! Since my business is just taking off I am willing to negotiate pricing! If you don't see what you want done on the list, feel free to still contact me! I'm willing to attack any project you can throw at me! 

Nostalgia: in every sense of the word

Sometimes I get so caught up in life, that I forget what it was like before, before I high school, before I could drive, before I had a boyfriend. I forget endless nights hanging with your best friend(s) usually doing nothing and laughing uncontrollably. I got to relive that tonight and it was wonderful.
An old friend (am I allowed to use that term? I'm barely 18... You know I can actually do whatever I want since this is my blog) came over tonight and we played catchphrase for 2 hours straight and just laughed and laughed. That was the most laughing I have done in a while & I can (and I do) literally laugh at anything in the whole world so that's saying something! We talked about things ranging from the production of almond milk to retirement home abuse and every other thing you could ever imagine in between. It was a good night and I am sad that this chapter of my life is soon coming to a close.
Am I ready for this all to be over? Am I ready to really grow up? I'm not really sure. All I know is that I love where I am right now, and I am going to relish every moment.

Basically I am just thankful❤️

I literally will never ever get tired of him, or this!! He is the sweetest boy!!

We're also basically the most hilarious people together. I just need to wear a go-pro around so you can experience us, the way we get to! 

In Other News...

Ever since my life exploded, I've tried my hardest to keep a good attitude. I will admit I was not perfect. Some days I was pretty down. One phrase (in a few variations) kept my spirits high when all I wanted to do was curl up and die. That phrase was: "It will work out exactly how it is supposed to" (if it was meant to be it will still workout, life will work itself out, etc.)

This has in fact proven to be true. Tanner and I are back together. Most of the reason we broke up turned out to be this huge misunderstanding and we talked for a week about it and how if we got back together, things would have to be so much different. It was a lot of thinking and praying. I decided that getting back together was the right thing. Even though to most, it looks like I'm this huge idiot who is completely naive.

Let me be blunt here: this is my life. I'm not an idiot. I have gone through the pros and the cons multiple times. I feel that the good out weighs the bad two fold. I have prayed and it just feels right. Things are already so much better than they were before. I had nothing to lose and I am looking out for myself and my happiness. This is what I want and I will try my hardest to keep it this good. I'm grateful for those who have been so supportive of us and I am brushing off the comments of those who haven't been, This is my life and my happiness and I am completely in control.

So if you see in together, stop looking so shocked and pick your jaw up off the floor! I'm happy and I am excited to see how this all play out! It's like an adventure that took a fork in the road to something completely new and I can not wait!

Things did work out exactly how they were supposed to, I believe firmly that this all happened for a reason and I am putting my trust in the Lord and his plan for me!

Under Pressure

You know, I live in Orem, Utah. I know that there is alcohol and drugs and sex but none of those have ever been offered to me nor have I ever felt pressure or been tempted in any way to do anything of that sort. 

But Saturday night was different. I feel almost ashamed. There was a pressure. But not like anything I would have guessed before. I wasn't ever tempted at all but I could still feel that underlying pressure. 

Was it really necessary? To make half of us uncomfortable? And the other half feel pressured to fit in? 

It makes me sad to think of a few people who were there, who I know felt so uncomfortable and we're really not okay with what was going on but felt the pressure to fit in so they did what they probably wouldn't have otherwise. 

I'm so thankful that I am confident with myself and with my values that I can choose not to participate and leave the room and do my own thing without feeling like a goody-good. I'm grateful that I am okay enough with myself.  I'm also thankful for my friends and their great examples. 

My Sidewalk

Life doesn't always go how you plan... which sucks so hard.
Also, I'm obsessed with relating how I feel in similes and metaphors, so that's how I am going to tell my story.

Once upon a time, I had a boyfriend (whom I thought I would eventually marry) and sort of out of the blue, he ended things. "We've been dating a long time... and I think we should see other people" were his exact words.

I like to compare life to a seemingly endless sidewalk. This event was like an earthquake in my sidewalk. All of the sudden all of my plans were gone and I was missing this huge piece of my life. The cement in my sidewalk was cracked and jagged. It blocked my way. There was no way I would be able to continue on my sidewalk with this huge upset ever looming over ( well I guess under) me.

I was upset. My perfect, beautiful, smooth flowing sidewalk was practically destroyed. Almost to the point where it was un-usable. I had the dream life before; A boyfriend, a social life, a job, etc. Now that was all shaken up. How was I supposed to go on? How do you just move on after something like that? How does someone you've been dating for a year and a half just out of no where, lose interest in you?

I realized that there was no amount of tape that would be enough to seal the cracks in the foundation of my sidewalk. The only way to completely heal from this experience would be to dig up the square of sidewalk, and pour new cement. {I realized all of this yesterday. While I was talking to my therapist/social worker lady(? I don' t know what the freak I'm supposed to call her). We discussed this event and how it related to a sidewalk.}

All of the sudden it clicked in my brain. Why was I letting one person control how I choose to feel? Why was I letting him make me feel so upset? Why was I wasting my time still thinking about everything that happened? I did everything I could, and obviously it was not enough. If it was meant to work out it would have. It is time for me to let go.

This whole thing taught me that I am not as co-dependent as I thought. I am no Bella Swan. I am strong and independent. I can rely on myself for my own happiness. Nevertheless, break-ups are hard, but it is up to me to choose how I want to proceed.

So today I'm starting to work on my cracked, jagged, very broken sidewalk. Today I am working to dig up all the broken pieces and put them behind me and hopefully in a few weeks (or months) I will be able to fill my broken little square with new cement.