Vent-sesh

You know what I did during lunch today? Sat in my car and cried.
I'm so frustrated and I just can not put up with this anymore. 
The one person in the whole entire world who definitely deserves the best birthday ever (who also happens to be your best friend) is not going to even get it this year because your are being the epitome of selfish.
You got your guy. Cool. Now act like a human being and help me plan your best friends birthday.  She deserves it more than any one else I know.
And HE is not invited.

....And you are how old?

I am busy. I go to school. I have a job which I work at almost 20 hours each week. I'm in the Laurel class presidency, on the Stake Youth Council, and a YCL. I spend time with my friends and my boyfriend. I try and get the best grades I can and I sleep.
Most of the time I barely make it through each day. I have a lot of responsibility and I really do love it. Sometimes though, it feels like a burden. I usually feel like I should be perfect and be the best. I know that no one is perfect and that we all make mistakes. Not being able to fulfill a job makes me feel like dirt. I feel as though I should be able to handle everything on my plate and more. I constantly strive for perfection. Junior year has been especially challenging for me. I'm struggling to balance my social life, sleep, the rigor of my classes, work and relaxing. It is quite the act and I'm not doing so well. I really do not need any added stress or pressures in my life. I'm 17 and I shouldn't have to carry this much responsibility around like a ton of bricks.
A few weeks ago I was assigned to put together a musical number for the upcoming New Beginnings for the young women of my ward. I was sick in bed all week and I spent the next week frantically catching up in my classes. Last Tuesday, I tried to recruit a few young women to be in my musical number but none of them showed a real interest and I, knowing how stressful life can be, am never one to push. Sunday then rolled around and I still had not put together this musical number. The leader in charge of all this called a lady in my ward and bagged on me. She told her that she was going to call me out in young women's as a punishment for not fulfilling the assignment. That is not a way any adult should treat any teenager. Especially not one who is a leader and should be the biggest example. I do know people make mistakes and get frustrated but that was not the right way to handle the situation. As a 30- something year old, you should know how to handle things better. You are no longer in high school and you should act like it. How immature can you be?
The stress to be perfect is so prominent in my life that when I am given criticism or yelled at I break down. I'm so hard on myself and I just can't handle it.
You do not need to lie to my face about what happened and you definitely do not need to lie to the young women's president about it either. That is a very immature thing to do. I, as a 17 year old, know how to handle myself and act more mature.
You have really crushed my spirits and made me feel terrible. I feel like I'm no longer good enough and that I will not be trusted to carry out assignments. That breaks my heart.
I believe that everyone can be forgiven and that through the power of my Savior, I will be able to forgive her and myself for the things that have gone on.

A Tribute to a Legend

A tribute to the best show on the planet. I have become extremely sentimental because today I finished the greatest series. It taught me a lot about life (I know it is a t.v. show but it still is very moving) and I can't  believe it's all over. It has been a heart wrenching, moving, incredible time watching the 9 seasons of this show. Always remember, there is only one tree hill.

Drowning in the Tribulation

Lately, I've had a really hard time going to church. Don't get me wrong, I love our gospel. It brings me so much comfort and a knowledge that I am not alone and that there is a purpose for why we are here. It's just that I struggle in young womens'. I've always been one who is really good at being in charge. Leadership is really easy for me. I can get up in front of the whole ward if I have to and give a talk or make an announcement. With the change in our bishopric and young womens' presidency, has come a lot of pressure. Instead of doing things for the girls benefit, I feel like they are just trying to "check things off their to-do lists". Mutual is no longer a time to become better friends and do wholesome activities and learn about the gospel. They are about hounding us to get our personal progress done and making sure we are actively what I would call 'attacking" the less active members striving to be examples and befriending those who need it. Those things are both important, but these mid-week activities are for those who come and want to do something that will be fun or help them prepare for their lifes. It's especially hard when you are constantly being reprimanded because you are "always answering the questions" or are being "too controlling". It saddens me to see things like this happening. Satan is definitely trying his best to tear down our gospel is any way that he can. Lots of the girls in my ward that I have talked to feel this same way. Young Womens' is for the young women, not the leaders or anyone else.
If I hear one more thing like, " In the handbook..." I will explode. The handbook is a guideline. It is not a set of rules.
We need to come up with a way to make our activities and Sunday meetings enjoyable and renew the desire to be there.

My favorite boy♥

 This is my most favorite boy in the world. He has been an amazing influence in my life for the last 6 months! I love him to death and I don't know where I'd be without him! 

Help us to get home safely

A while ago, I heard someone say, "When a child says a prayer with the phrase '.. please bless us to get home safely' they are referring to our heavenly home."
Ever since I heard that I've said it in everyone of my prayers. It is an amazing insight that I think everyone should be aware of. I do hope that we all can make it home safely.

At last, the end has come.

The very first day of Sister Dimmick's seminary class, we read these letters all of her past students had written. They were all so sweet. Although, I didn't understand a lot of the inside jokes like I do now, they made me excited for the year to come.

As the last day of her class came to a close, I was anxiously anticipating the handing out of the papers so I could write my letter. I've been waiting since August to write this letter. I've been keeping notes and jotting down thoughts that I would put in my letter. The last 10 minuets roll around, we have a little testimony meeting and then she dismisses the class. I've never been more disappointed in my life. How could we not write the letters? I've been planning and waiting for almost 6 months!!

So I will write my letter here.

Sister Dimmick's class taught me more than just the Gospel. She taught me to love and to look outward. I've never felt so much love for our Savior or the Gospel radiate out of someone so much. She really loves what she does.

Sister Dimmick will most definitely change the world someday. She has already started, spending hours a day teaching and sharing the Gospel truths to High School punks like me. 

She taught me to Spit, and to spit often. Spitting has changed my life, for the better. It's so simple, yet without her class I would have never thought to do it. 

She also taught me that every hymn is my favorite. I mean, they're all so good! 

I learned to "look with my spiritual eyes". 

I learned that everyday scripture study will (and has) changed my life. I made a commitment to her and the lord to read everyday for the rest of my life starting January 7, 2014. I vow to never miss a day.

Sister Dimmick is a huge example to me. She is strong and independent. She has such a strong testimony and a desire to share it. When I grow up, I hope to be like her. She is amazing. 

She taught me about finding the homilies in the scriptures. She taught me that gratitude is an action. You have to actually show it. 

I know that I was put into her class for a reason, God knows our hearts desires. 

I will never forget the lessons I learned in Sister Dimmick's class. She is so wonderful. You are so blessed to have the divine opportunity to be in her class. 

~ Mariah Gaines